She Seeks Solitude

Photo By Fab Lentz

 

The young girl has indulged in solitude once again.

No more explaining.

No more expectations.

No more responsibilities.

 

She loves the moments most where the only sounds she hears are the rings of the Universe.

Feelings of ecstasy fill her, as her energetic body begins to vibrate stronger than her physical one.

These are her favorite moments.

Confirmation that she is more than this dense body stuck in this house.

Stuck in this city.

Stuck on this Earth.

Most nights you can catch her yearning for a world she faintly remembers.

A world light years away,

Yet it still floats at the surface of her mind.

 

As a teenage girl she’d dance with possibilities that nighttime held.

She would lie completely still and connect so deeply with the Universe,

Releasing all fear.

Surrendering.

Expanding.

Sitting with breath.

She didn’t know this would change her world.

 

This young lady has so many dreams and goals.

She would need days, if not weeks, to write them all down.

The fear that she might not achieve them all creates a knot in her stomach,

This knot tugs her side to side,

Like a boat in a sea storm.

This rocking isn’t as sweet as she remembered.

 

This girl dreams of solitude a lot.

Way more than any parties or days with friends.

She can be easily swept off her feet by the world of spirit.

The world where love is the only “thing” you need,

everything else just follows after.

The world where the whispers of the Universe become louder and clearer,

The quieter you are.

 

Sometimes she likes to be surprised by her own voice.

The feeling of her waking vocal cords as the goal of complete silence crumbles once again.

She also fantasizes about a world which seems so far away.

One in which love was the only language spoken.

The only intentions are those set in peace and serenity, not vices and vengeance.

 

As a little girl she’d stay awake late at night,

She tried to understand why no one seemed to love as she did.

She didn’t understand how carefully you had to handle a grudge so it didn’t hurt you too.

Almost like it is radioactive.

We see how dangerous it can be, yet we hold it as tight as we can.

Sorrow often filled her young heart.

 

At the young age of nine, this young girl made a promise to herself and the Universe.

She would be the one to teach her family how to truly love again.

Without spite, revenge, grudge, or ego.

Pure love without condition.

It was a clear vision in her mind and she knew she was powerful enough to reach it.

 

Nearly a decade later, this promise made by a hopeful little girl resurfaced in her mind.

She doesn’t feel like she’s succeeded.

She wasn’t able to change a single thing.

The only thing which changed was the years between her and that promise.

The weight she placed on her shoulders seems to shift everyday.

 

This young girl chooses solitude over company for more than peace.

She can never again be someone’s second choice if she is her only choice.

She’d rather love nature, a force which never leaves or stops giving.

Nature never asks for nothing more than love.

 

Pure existence is made of a gentle energy which can both destroy and create.

It must feel good, terrible, chaotic, and beautiful all at once, in order to exist.

It’s a delicate force to handle.

 

Over the years the young lady realized,

nature,

Universe,

Spirit accepts her in ways no human can fully achieve.

 

Humans can imitate and mock, but at the end of the day we’re all the same.

Everything we do or choose is for us.

For our ego.

How can we feed it?

Pleasure it?

Distract it?

 

She always knew she was more sensitive than others.

For so long it was told to her it was a flaw.

“You need to toughen up,” they’d tell her, but deep down it never settled.

She’d imitate ruthless behavior and think harmful thoughts, but deep down she knew it was all a show.

It was a show that could not continue airing.

 

She seeks solitude because spirit demands no conditions.

You don’t need to reach achievements in order to be deemed worthy of love.

True love that you need and desire.

She thinks about that often.

She thinks a lot about humans.

If they’d put their ego aside for a moment, they’d realize the words she cries matter.

They’d realize she’s not controlling,

She just cares more than they do.

 

She cares a lot more than most people do,

So much that she often neglects herself to ensure the care of others.

Her soul’s fuel is most times on E.

This is why she craves solitude.

This is why dim lights across her bedroom ceiling give her more excitement than the draining company of the human ego.

Sometimes she wishes she didn’t have one herself.

Pesky things egos can be.

 

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