Recently spirit told me something essential to my growth. They told me I cannot have both. I cannot have a high vibrational life with low vibrational habits. The habit they had pointed out was my ability to lash out in defense of my ego and pride. During a recent tarot reading, I was able to understand where they were coming from. When others hurt, disrespect, or offend my beliefs I do tend to have an unhealthy way of coping. Sometimes I lash out because I don’t know how to express my emotions, sometimes I think ill of them, or sometimes I wear my ego like a golden armor- no one is allowed to come in or go out.
At times the ego can help. For example, ego helps when you’re a child. The entire world is brand- new and you’re trying to develop your sense of “I”. Every experience is an adventure, and ego helps you learn the things you do and don’t like. However, as I’ve grown up I’ve realized the ego is a very tricky thing. Let’s talk a bit more about this shall we?
I want you to do a quick test with me to see just to see how tricky the ego can be. I want you to repeat this in your mind 2-3 times, “I am nothing.” Now breath deeply and quietly, make room to hear the ego’s response. This phrase is often one of ego’s many triggers. This is because, as we grow up in society, we’re told we must be something, otherwise we are nothing. Whether that’s lonely, happy, popular, shy, depressed, positive, skinny, fat, lazy, successful…. the list can go on forever. The ego must have something to identify as. It needs something to attach to “I am.”
Now let’s try one more thing. Repeat the same phrase from earlier, but now add, “Everything I have is because of God.” Now don’t get hung up on the definition of God and who or what it exactly is. All that matters is: we acknowledge there is something much larger than ourselves, and everything in our world is a gift from this greater force. Now, back to the test- just focus on the voice inside who’s responding. What does ego have to say now?
Ego struggles to understand the larger picture. Ego keeps us controlled by our pride, it wants us to believe that “this is my world and they’re just living in it,” or vice versa. This is a very childish mindset, but that is exactly what ego is. Remember how I mentioned how ego helps the child earlier? Ego is the first sense of self we attach to in this world, therefore, as we blossom into different versions of ourselves, we must shed these outdated beliefs.
Ego has no intention to harm, but if we always choose to react or view life from a selfish-un evolved place, we will do more harm than good,
Lately I’ve been head-to-head with ego. My heart and higher self tell me to release past resentment and forgive, however, ego says the opposite. Ego whispers into my ear to hold on tightly. It tells me that my heart was hurt, and there’s no recovering from that. Ego reloads the film of angry stories playing through my mind and never forgets to stir up my pride. Ego does all of this, day in and day out, just to protect itself. To protect the child in us and the “I” it’s worked so hard to create. While ego is so busy reliving past experiences and planning how to avoid them in the future, it forgets that growing is a critical part of the process. This is why ego so often stays a child, and as we grow into adults, we act from the wounded child inside.
When we take a moment to realize that we are nothing, we truly realize we are everything.
Good, bad, evil, holy, selfish, selfless, sacred… the list goes on. The moment we come to understand that we are all humans, and no human is better or worse than another, we set ourselves free. We free ourselves when we release the armor built sky-high around us.
This armor is outdated. It doesn’t keep us safe anymore, and it is no longer needed to protect our old beliefs.
Surrender. Accept that although others have hurt you, they are humans too. Remember that you have hurt others too, likely in similar ways. Cycles repeat until they are broken.
You are human, you are doing the best you can with the knowledge and tools that you have.
The only thing we should grasp tightly onto in this world is change. Change is the only thing that is constant. Our interests change, our environment, and even the people in it too. Ego doesn’t always understand this, because it’s stuck in the past, reliving moments constantly on repeat. This is how it keeps all of our out-dated beliefs alive and strong. It doesn’t understand how it was hurt in the past, but yet the world and the people in it can move on.
This is okay. You must work with ego and not against it, otherwise another wall may be built to protect it.
Soothe your inner child with the words you’ve always needed to hear. Provide it the support and love it’s been lacking for so long. Nurture yourself. Gently remind yourself of the present and all of the love that’s truly in it.
Allowing yourself to quit the role you’ve played for so long is a blessing in itself.
• • •
Here is a mantra I like to repeat to myself whenever I find myself in times of stress or suffering:
Resistance turns into suffering.
Acceptance turns into peace.
Thank you so much for reading. I truly hope this moment of reflection was able to trigger healing & growth within you too.
If you liked this blog post, please like, share, and leave a comment!